Friday, March 18, 2011

Paranoid take 2: Was I unfriended b/c you are pregnant?

So, I hate social media (but not enough to delete my account). And why do I hate it you ask? B/c it is just another way for someone not to talk to you. I was "un-friended" by someone a while back. Well actually I do not know how long ago I was "un-friended" b/c I didn't notice until someone pointed it out to me. Anywho, the point of this is that I automatically think "She is pregnant". Not "I wonder what I did to offend her? What did I say or not say" to get me the coldest of the cold in the friend arena - taking one off the friends list? Isn't that crazy that I automatically go to "SHE IS PREGNANT". Then I realized how conceited I am about this crap, it is all about how I feel and not how others feel when they have to tell me. (for that I am sorry and please know I do feel horrible that my friends cringe at the thought of telling me they are expecting) and why on earth would she take me off just b/c pregnant? I then realized that she probably just took me off b/c I said something to piss her off or I am boring, not to save me from her pregnancy talk/photos. How much have I let this consume me where I think people would take me off their friends' list b/c of it? I have officially reached the self absorbed infertility stage so next time you see me, punch me in the arm and tell me snap out of it.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Celebrity Pregnancies and other b*llshit

So now I not only have to worry about which friend is going to tell me she is pregnant next, I also have to sit back and watch all these celebrities who are way older than me, get knocked up (Alyssa Milano, Christina Applegate, Alicia Silverstone) and have babies. Any time I turn on to the celebrity tv shows (E Network, Extra - yes I watch this crap, don't judge) I now see something about someone getting pregnant. These shows used to be my escape from my infertile and childless life, now they just remind me of who I am. Then, one of the funniest shows on TV, has a storyline where the couple is trying to get pregnant and it is taking longer than they thought (I wish I could still say that to people - "its just taking a little longer than we thought"). So either which way, I will have to watch them suffer through infertility or watch her miraculously become pregnant and have a baby. I am not sure which is the worst of the two evils.

Here is the thing that I have decided bothers me the most, I can have a really nice car, travel more than I could if we had a child and sleep in on the weekends, but when we are old and unable to do things ourselves, who is going to be there to take care of us?

Monday, March 7, 2011

I wanna punch something.

That is it. I thought you all would like to know. I mean seriously.....PUNCH. SOMETHING. and CRY. And then eat ice cream while I get a pedicure to make me feel better. Ice cream with cookies in it. Yeah, that would do the trick.