Conference Call with Judy @ Gladney 3/11/2014

G'day Mates!

Yesterday we had our orientation conference call with our girl, Judy at Gladney. It was pretty much all information on the process and fees and after the call I was VERY overwhelmed. She went over each stage of the adoption process but I have decided to take the same advice Bob took in the great piece of cinema brilliance, "What about Bob?" and take baby steps. "Baby steps to the elevator...."

1st Step: Formally request Application and pay application fee, which we will be doing this weekend. Once they receive the request and payment (which we will be making on our Advantage card, we are going to need a LOT of points to get to China! If you have any miles just laying around collecting dust, feel free to donate them to us!) they will send us the official application and reference questionnaire. Get ready, we will be contacting 5 people to write letters and fill out questionnaires on our behalf in the next few weeks. One professional, one from our community, the person who would be the legal guardian of our child if something were to happen to us, one family member (which we think would be the same as legal guardian) and the rest personal references. 

To end, I wanted to let you know that I have been praying for our child every night and sometimes randomly during the day. Chances are she is either about to be born or is already out there waiting for us so please if you can remember her in your prayers or in your positive thoughts, or whatever it is you do, that would mean a lot to us and will be very special to tell her later in life that she was loved by so many before they even had the chance to meet her.

CHINA OR BUST!

Let's play catch-up!

Well, I'm  back and I am happy to say that I am in a way better place than I have been in regards to starting a family. For those of you who aren't aware of what goes on in my day to day life, here are some highlights and low lights since my last post:

• February 2013: After a long battle, I lost my Aunt (dad's younger sister) to lung cancer. This was the first kick to our family and I don't care how much you prepare yourself for it, it still hurts like hell. But at the same time, my cousin and her husband adopted their daughter from China brought her home during all this and it makes me happy to know that LJ got to see her before she passed on. It was such a whirlwind of emotion, there is really no way to describe it. 
• June 2013: I am not sure if I ever blogged about this in the past (and I am way too lazy to look it up - or maybe I just don't want to see what I wrote about it back then) but my dad was diagnosed with throat cancer and what we were told should  have been an "easy thing for him to beat" and it eventually took his life in June. Pretty much it is all a blur to me but my husband and I were there when he passed away peacefully and even though I miss him more than words could ever express, I am so glad he is not in pain anymore. 
• Summer 2013: Two new sweet babies have blessed my family and friends. My sister in law (SIL) and one of my best friends, M*, both had sweet little baby girls this past summer and I am happy that I am finally out of the "why not me" place and can just be a good "KK" to them both and spoil them along with their big brothers! I also found out one of my other best friends, S* is expecting her first baby! She is due in May and I am over the moon excited for her. More on that down the page though....
• November 2013: Another of of my best friends, L*, and I took part in the SUSAN G KOMEN 3 Day. This has always been on my bucket list and I am one very proud walker! It was seriously one of the best weekends of my life and we have vowed to walk it or crew it every year. We have already signed up for this November. I don't want to sound like one of those people who "drank the kool-aid" but it was one of the best, most inspiring weekends of my life! If you have ever wanted to do it, sign up! I am telling you, you will not regret it. Do what I did and go to a "Getting Started Meeting" and you will be all pumped to sign up. But just know that is nothing compared to the way you feel when you get to opening ceremonies, walk all that way, meet women who are survivors or walking in remembrance of a loved one and when you cross that finish line. I cannot tell you how many times we cried that weekend but we laughed and got horrible blisters and it was all worth it. The website is: Susan G. Komen 3 Day (note: Susan G Komen is not paying me to say this stuff, but maybe they should! - hahaha)

When S* told me she was pregnant it really lit a fire under my butt to get this adoption thing going. I have been in "mourning" over not getting pregnant on our own long enough. S* and I have been life long friends LITERALLY. Our dads lived down the street from each other when they married our moms. I am 6 months older than she is and her mom used to come to our house down the street to practice feeding me when she was pregnant with S*. This isn't "we met in 1st grade" type story. This is the REAL DEAL. She is not like a sister, she IS my sister. All I kept thinking after she told me this was "I want her kid to be best friends with my kid" I know it may sound incredibly lame to some people but its the truth. Is it the only reason I want a child? Of course not! I wanted a kid long before but this was the catalyst to get me back in the game. Also, I am pretty stubborn and determined and knew one day we would have a child. Looking back, going through everything and it not working out, really has me to believe this was always in God's plan for us it just took a lot of time for me to realize it.

In case you were wondering why we are going the international route, we want a closed adoption. After everything we have been through, this gives us the most peace of mind. It's a personal decision and I hope everyone can respect that and understand. If not, ask us! We are more than happy to give you more insight into how we came to this decision.

We originally selected China or Bulgaria when we sent in our information. Last week I had a conference call with the reps from China and Taiwan (they offered so why not!?) and they gave me information on the types of children to come out of China and Taiwan. Brief explanation: Taiwan has children who have been abused or neglected; the children from China have more physical issues (heart murmur, cleft lip and pallet). We said we would go up to a three year old but from everything I read the youngest we could get would be 18 months) I never heard back from the rep from Bulgaria and after talking it over with Josh we are so excited to have selected China. We already know a few people who have adopted from there and we feel the most comfortable with dealing with Gladney here in the US. With Taiwan, we would deal with an agency over there and we aren't 100% comfortable with that. We originally had said either on the sex but when I let the Gladney rep know we chose China, we changed it to a little girl.

Our next step: we have another conference call with Gladney on Tuesday to give us more details of what to expect and to set up an orientation. Josh and I are both so excited to get the ball going. The estimated time should be 18 months if we don't hit any hiccups (fingers crossed) China or BUST!

It's been quite a while

Good Morning! I cannot believe how long it has been since I have written. To my half a dozen or so followers, I apologize. It's just the lame fact that NOTHING has been going on fertility wise. Aunt Flow still makes her appearance every month right on time. People have gotten pregnant and had babies and I don't cry like I used to. Do I get weird and sad when I am told someone is pregnant, you bet your ass I do. But I no longer go home and fling myself on my bed and sob uncontrollably. So that's a positive. With the help of time and some medication I have come to realize, I cannot control everything and what will be, will be. Do I wish things were different? Sure. But does it take over my life and mind every day? Nope. I just take one day at a time because honestly what else can I do?

Mother's Day Spiral

I hate Mother's Day. I have for the last few years. I don't hate the idea of it, actually it is pretty nice and I agree A LOT of mothers don't get the recognition they deserve from their children. But I hate all the mother's who choose to tell each other how amazing they are and what great mothers they are and send the cheesy texts or posts on facebook. (especially when a few are complete shit moms who just managed to get pregnant and squeeze out a kid, which in my mind does NOT make you a good mother) The only person I choose to say Happy Mother's Day to is MY MOTHER. Not the one million other mothers on the planet. Does this make me sound mean and bitter? Probably to most. Did I cry yesterday, you bet your ass I did. Did it piss me off to sit there and everyone tell someone happy mother's day and then skip over me. Yep. Did it upset me when I got an awkward text from someone just trying to make me feel better. Sure did. Is there any way to please me in this situation? I am beginning to think not.

To MOST of the moms I know, you are great moms but please when you decide to delve into your "mom club" where you send out mass texts to all your other mom friends or posts on Facebook walls, please remember women like me who want to be a mom more than anything in the world and struggle. While it is a great day for moms, it is an extremely hard day for women who want to be mom's and can't.

50 Shades of what?!??!?!

So, I don't get what all the fuss was about 50 Shades. I liked it ok but didn't love it. The whole time I was reading it I was just waiting for something really big to happen or be revealed or for them to go back in the Red Room of Pain. And when they finally did, she cried, which was a let down for me. I thought should at least give this thing a spin a few times before having a complete meltdown. I guess after all the hype, I expected more. Hopefully it is all ahead of me though. I have only finished the first book and plan on knocking the other two out in the next few weeks. Have any of you read it? What did you think?

50 Shades of Grey

I have started reading 50 Shades of Grey because every other woman is and I like to just go with the herd sometimes. So far, the writing is horrible but I cannot quit reading! Is this what those romance novels are like? Because if so I have a new genre I need to explore!

So since I am reading this book and my blog is kinda sorta about sex, (How do you think babies get here, mom?) I have decided to share my opinion of 50 Shades here. Stay Tuned!

Note: I have no idea if my mom even reads my blog.

Keeping up with my uterus

I have decided to take up blogging again. I have at least a dozen followers (yeah, I am big time) that need to know what is or isn't going on with my uterus. Plus, I like trying to convey my feelings to complete strangers in (what I think is) a humorous way. So, I am back ladies and gentlemen and in a big way. I plan on being completely and brutally honest about myself and my infertility. In so many posts I censor what I have to say because I do not want to hurt any one's feelings or for people to take things the wrong way. No More I Say! I will attempt to never be rude or mean. But I will be honest. If I think it, I am typing it.

THINGS JUST GOT INTERESTING......

So I am a complete Facebook stalker. If I have ever known someone and can remember their last name, I have searched for them on Facebook. In most cases, I do not friend request because more than likely there is a reason I don't talk to that person anymore. So I search, find and gather intel until my curiosity has been satisfied or I hit a wall. I hate that Facebook let's people make their profiles private - even though mine is totally private.

But my other favorite is going through my friend's friends list. (See, I need a kid so I can have a life and not have to resort to this kind of stuff) I cannot tell you the thrill I get when I find someone knows someone I also know but we didn't know we knew the same person.

All this Facebooking opens me up to a whole new world of the dreaded, pregnancy announcements. But people I have officially reached a new low. I am now Facebook stalking pregnant people I do not know. Sad, huh? Like I don't have enough in my life, I now search out pregnancy announcements. I am a sick sick infertile.

Side note: I also decided to torture myself a little more and I recorded the Guiliana and Bill season premiere and special on surrogacy. I finally watched it last night when my husband was out. Things like that are best watched in a dark room in my jammies shoving spoonfuls of ice cream into my mouth. It was sobfest 2012 for this girl. I feel horrible about my Rancic post now because these people seem so awesome and so positive and I am not sure I could carry myself like that after everything she has been through. Also, where can I nominate Bill Rancic for husband of the year? Seriously, dude has some husband-ing SKILLS!!!!