I normally get through my day to day routines without being sad about not having a family after 4 years or trying but for some reason today is a hard one. I don't know how to explain it other than it feels like I have been holding my breath for a really long time and I am unable to exhale.
The most frustrating part is that I am in this limbo stage. No treatments going on and none planned. No talk of treatments or adoption. I guess I feel like I am wasting time. I know this is a "mental break" that my husband and I both agreed on but I just feel like I should be doing something.
And what's more frustrating is when I read the blogs of women who have suceeded and gotten pregnant, I get more sad. Shouldn't I be happy? Shouldn't their stories be ones of inspiration for me? But instead, I sit here crying while I read them, wishing it was me.
I am just ready to exhale and put all this behind me.
Don't worry about being happy for others who've succeeded, we've all been there and we all know pregnant after infertility stories are nice to hear theoretically, but are still a real slap in the face. You don't need to be happy about it and none of us who are pregnant expect you to be happy about it. Breaks are healthy, do some stuff you haven't done in awhile because you've been so focused on TTC, like drink lots and lots of wine ;-) Best of luck to you!
ReplyDeleteHaving an off day is sure to happen now and again or more than you expect. I know they catch me off guard sometimes... I hope you can find some things to occupy your mind and your time for now.
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