The Rancics

So it has been a while since I posted but really nothing has been going on infertile wise. We are still "talking" or really "not talking but thinking" about adoption. And since there has been no actions taken, I really didn't want to bore you with how baby shower invites still upset me and other petty stuff.

However, that all changed today when I read that Giuliana and Bill Rancic are having a baby through a surrogate. I don't watch their show because honestly the infertility thing just hits a little too close to home. However, I knew a little about them through the celebrity gossip sites I visit (Don't judge!)

And here's my take. They are rich and famous. Of course she is getting her happy ending. (or beginning). What about the women out there like me who don't have the financial means to do more than one round of IVF (or even attempt IVF at all)?

I am honestly surprised by my own reaction. I always thought that when she got pregnant (or in this case had a surrogate) it would make me happy. But it doesn't at all. It pisses me off. I am completely jealous that it is happening for her and other women while I just stand on the sidelines.

Now the logical solutions, "do another round of IVF" or "start the adoption process" would be easy to do if money, my sanity and my marriage weren't at stake.

I am scared. We are scared. I am not going to lie. I am scared that we will go through it again and then my marriage will fall apart. Or I am scared I will start the adoption process and they will tell us we aren't fit to be parents. I imagine them telling me this in slow motion then stamping my file with "DENIED" in big red stamp letters.

So in pure Kelley fashion, I will just ignore the issue for now and keep on living my day to day life. One day at a time, right?