31

I remember when I was a kid I LLLOOOOVVEEEDDDD my birthday. Loved it so much I had an entire birthday week dedicated to me getting a year older. Then I turned 29 and I wanted to stop time and not get a year older until I felt more accomplished in my life. The last three years, I have DREADED my birthday, mostly because I see my window for having a baby getting smaller and smaller but also because I can't help but think about the life I envisioned for myself at 30. Married, two kids (one girl and one boy), stay at home mom, room mother for kid's classes, going to soccer games and dance recitals on the weekends, doing mom things. It's weird how life takes you to places you never dreamed for yourself and sometimes doesn't take you to the places you always thought you belonged.

On a completely different subject, I have been extremely curious about how women who have struggled with infertility feel when they are finally pregnant? And when they finally hold that precious baby in their arms? Do you forget everything you went through and all the tears that have been shed? I am just curious because let's say I do get pregnant again eventually and make it past the 1st trimester (GASP!) When will I get to the point where I can take a deep breath and relax? After the first trimester? When I have the baby in my arms? When that baby turns 18? Will I ever relax? Probably not. (I am a spaz)

30th Birthday has come and gone and it was perfect.

I had a GREAT Birthday this year, thanks to Josh and my friends and family. Turning 30 really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. On Saturday, Megan and I had a 70s roller disco Birthday party at Skateland. I had to share a few pictures with you.

The "other" birthday girl and I at our party.

The guys before we left for the party. Mitch, Kurt (don't ask), LB (Lame Bill) and Josh aka Wooderson.

Foxy Ladies.

Turning 30

A few years ago if you asked me if I thought turning 30 would bother me, I would have definitely said "no way, it's just a number". So how come on the day before I turn 30, I am dreading my birthday more than Aunt Flow. Maybe because I am used to Aunt Flow showing up monthly and the disappointment she brings with her. Maybe because the fertility doctor told me that my chances of having my own children are dropping drastically every year, maybe because I am no longer young and now the people who work in the malls are referring to me as "ma'am", maybe because now I can't just think "it's OK I am not pregnant, I have time". I guess hitting 30 makes me feel like my time is running out and the door on having children is closing faster and faster every month.
I know when you make a timeline for yourself, you can never expect for it to work out exactly how you planned but it is still a disappointment. I honestly thought by 30, I would be married, have at least one kid and own my own house. Marriage - CHECK, everything else is still on my to-do list. And if you know me at all, you know how I LOVE to mark things off my to-do lists so these two are killing me.
So to add injury to my already foul mood of being an infertile non home owner at 30, I was hit with the news what someone else I know is pregnant unexpectedly. I don't get how all the ladies get pregnant unexpectedly. But I won't even go there.