Smoking, Babies, Friends

I am not sure why but this time, it is going really well.It doesn't matter why, it is working and I am stoked! I quit on July 3 and today is the 28th so I am feeling pretty good about myself. I would like to be more active but it is so dang hot and we had to freeze the gym membership for financial reasons. I continually set my alarm for earlier in the morning so I could get up and jog but I end up hitting snooze 7 times and roll out of bed at 7:10 in just enough time to shower, put make up on, throw my hair up in a wet bun and head to work. (yeah I am lookin' good at work!) And then in the evenings I am exhausted from my day not to mention, it is still in the 90s at 9:00 PM. People were not meant to live in such hot conditions! I love Texas to death but we need to get on the same page about this heat.

So one of my best friends is pregnant (I am not even sure if she reads this anymore). I am VERY happy for her and her family. When she called to tell me, I was genuinely happy for her and knew they had been trying so I knew it was only a matter of time until it happened. I was upset that she started crying when she told me. I HATE that I am THAT person. The one everyone doesn't want to tell they are pregnant, the one that makes women cry when the pee on the stick is still wet, the one that after you tell is pregnant, you wince in case she FREAKS OUT (which for the record, I have never hit, screamed or spit on anyone who told me they are pregnant) Two of my best friends have been pregnant in the last few years and both of them cried when they told me. I know they would do anything to get a baby in my belly and make it stay there for 9 months and that is why they cry, but I feel SO HORRIBLE that I am the one making them cry. Both times, I end up comforting them. I guess it is just my nature. (See God-I am nurturing and comforting, give me a baby!)

When will I get over this and be that person who throws baby showers and rubs bellies? (well I will probably never rub a belly, I don't care for that much physical contact)

The relaxing pedicure that never was

I gave in today and decided to treat myself to a pedicure. My feet were disgusting with chipped zebra polish on my bigger toes, nothing on my little toes (yes, don't judge, it had been THAT long since I had a pedicure and I hadn't bothered to even touch them up).

At lunch I ran out to this place right around the corner from my work. Pulled in the parking lot, got a front row joe parking spot and was super excited that they didn't look that busy so I would be able to get in and out in an hour. I told the lady in the front that I needed a pedicure, was on my lunch break and needed to be in and out in right under an hour and she smiled and nodded.

I am whisked away to a pedicure chair, offered a drink, took out my book, turn on the massager in the chair, got the diet coke and started the relaxing lunch hour. Then my pedicure technician comes waddling around the corner. Yep, she was pregnant and not just a little baby bump. This chick looked like she could burst at any minute and right in my pedicure spa (ew, they would definitely need some stronger sanitizer), which made instantly feel bad. 1. That I was annoyed she was pregnant and 2. that someone THAT pregnant was going to be giving me a pedicure. SHE should be the one who is getting her feet rubbed. But for now, come on preggo, rub this infertile's feet. (I am so wrong)

But I got over that fast b/c I had some feet than needed scrubbing, toes to be painted and a book that needed to be read. So I assume the "snobby pedicure client" posture in my chair. You know where you give off the vibe that you don't want to chat and refuse to make eye contact. I am really good at it. It's a gift.

I am reading my book and enjoying every minute of my foot scrubbing solice when I can't help but overhear the conversation between two women next to me. They had not assumed the don't talk to me stance in the pedicure chairs, so they were chatting away with one technician. Now, the woman in the chair next to me was very big lady and she made a comment about not being able to reach her toes, which I thought was weird. Then she said "not like I ever could anyways" Now THIS got my attention. This woman made at least 3 comments since I started spying about weight gain. Then it came out, her sister mentioned to the technician that the lady next to me was expecting and was due in October. I was SHOCKED and I couldn't help myself. At this point, I had let down guard, have turned in my chair and am all out staring at this woman. There is no "bump" to speak of. The technician was shocked too b/c she was like "oh, so little can't tell" I almost laughed. There was nothing little about this woman but I knew she was trying to be nice, after all her tip may depend on it. I couldn't quit listening then. I would stare at the pages in my book trying to read but I could not tell you what was on those pages b/c I was engrossed in the non looking pregnant, pregnant lady.

Then for reason unbeknown to me, she starts spilling her guts to the technician. She is 39 has tried online dating a lot within the past few years (which didn't surprise me), has another kid, didn't lose her virginity until she was 33. She originally had wanted to wait til marriage but then I guess that didn't happen. Once again my head turns from my book when I hear this. They are politely ignoring me as far as I can tell. I can't quit listening or staring at her non existent baby bump.

At that point, I checked out. The poor chick rubbing my feet looks like she may be havin labor pains and the extremely overweight chick next to me who was a virgin until she was 33 is due in October. At that point, I just sit back, close my eyes and laugh to myself.

I start to wonder what time it is. It seems like I should be done by now. I finally pull out my phone and it has already been an hour. Ugh, now do I politely tell the 9 month pregnant chick carefuly painting my toes to get the show on the road. She looked so tired and hot. So I let her be and pretty much freaked out the whole time she was painting them that I was going to get in trouble when I got back. I didn't, no one even said anything.

Thank you universe. Thank you for my relaxing pedicure.

I rolled up my new bathmat and smoked it.

Just Kidding!

I am actually doing fine without smoking thus far. I even received some upsetting news last night and didn't automatically have the urge to go buy a pack. (I have chosen not to share the upsetting news since it isn't my news to share) The real test will be DRUNK KELLEY. But I hardly ever drink anymore so I don't see that issue coming up in my near future. And in case you were concerned about the mats, I LOVE THEM. Josh said it is like stepping onto soft cotton when you get our of the shower. So, buyer's remorse GONE! Purchase was completely validated by him so that takes care of that!

Have you guys noticed all these feathers in girl's hair? I have seen in on a few of my friend's facebook pics, but we went to the Ranger game last night and I saw a bunch more. Then my friend said she was at the mall trying to find feathers because one of our friends wants one in her hair. Are they clip ons? How do you wash your hair with it in if it is an extension? Do they come with a peace pipe? Will I have one in my hair in a few weeks?

I just spent $50 on bath mats

They are VERY nice and I am super excited to get home and put them down on the floor of both bathrooms. (we currently have a bath TOWEL on the outside of our bathtub in one bathroom since we were lacking a bath mat)

But as I sit here thinking about it, I am having buyer's remorse. Note: I got the bigger sized ones and I had two coupons, so I actually saved $12 off of my total. See, even thinking about the money I saved with coupons is not making me feel better about my purchase.

I needed these bath mats though. BAD. I had to buy something at lunch (do you think I have a problem?) and the bath mats were the most logical choice. I went in to the store, only going to buy one....but I had two coupons. I couldn't let the other one go to waste.

Oh, and I have decided to quit smoking completely. I feel pretty optimistic since the other day when I decided, I threw a more than half full pack in the trash can at Kroger. The cheap side of me thought, I just threw money away. Normally I would go ahead and finish the pack and then attempt to quit. But something about actually throwing them away seemed more final for me. Hopefully this will be it. We all know I can quit for a long period of time (I think I quit for a year a while back but then I get mad or upset or miscarry and that's the first thing I want). I have two packs of gum in my purse though and am ready for this. I know I am not addicted to the nicotine because there are times I will not smoke for two days or even a week and be fine with it. So we shall see.

The Best Thing in the World....

Most rewarding experience, will change your life, you will know what "real unconditional love" is.

All these sayings make me want to vomit. I don't doubt they are true feeling for those becoming a parent but they are so cliche' and nauseating to hear every time someone gets pregnant. I am not sure if people use them as verbal filler or they really think that the person doesn't know their life if about to change so they feel the need to let them in on this "secret".

If I ever have a child of my own through birth or adoption, I will probably think these things but will never utter them out loud. Some more appropriate things for me would be:

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  I hope the baby is healthy
  



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  I hope the child is emotionally stable (only one crazy in this family and I got years on you kid!)
  



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  I hope the child doesn't disappoint me (this is a big one. After all the build up, I will have HIGH expectations for any child of mine)
  



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  I hope the child doesn't grow up to be a serial killer (Josh makes me watch too many shows on serial killers so now this has been added to my fears. I mean could you imagine being the mother of some kind of monster like Manson or The Zodiac Killer)



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  I hope the kid isn't stupid (we've all seen those kids, ya know the ones where you think man, I hope you are going to be good lookin' b/c the smarts missed you!)
  



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  I hope the kid isn't ugly (aw yes, the ugly baby. Don't judge me, you have seen the babies that hit every branch of the ugly tree on the way out of the vagina)
  

I OBVIOUSLY don't have a child so I don't know if it really is the BEST THING IN THE WORLD, so to me the BEST FEELING EVER IN THE WORLD, is laying on a beach drinking a pina colada in Mexico and not having a worry or care in the world.