The relaxing pedicure that never was

I gave in today and decided to treat myself to a pedicure. My feet were disgusting with chipped zebra polish on my bigger toes, nothing on my little toes (yes, don't judge, it had been THAT long since I had a pedicure and I hadn't bothered to even touch them up).

At lunch I ran out to this place right around the corner from my work. Pulled in the parking lot, got a front row joe parking spot and was super excited that they didn't look that busy so I would be able to get in and out in an hour. I told the lady in the front that I needed a pedicure, was on my lunch break and needed to be in and out in right under an hour and she smiled and nodded.

I am whisked away to a pedicure chair, offered a drink, took out my book, turn on the massager in the chair, got the diet coke and started the relaxing lunch hour. Then my pedicure technician comes waddling around the corner. Yep, she was pregnant and not just a little baby bump. This chick looked like she could burst at any minute and right in my pedicure spa (ew, they would definitely need some stronger sanitizer), which made instantly feel bad. 1. That I was annoyed she was pregnant and 2. that someone THAT pregnant was going to be giving me a pedicure. SHE should be the one who is getting her feet rubbed. But for now, come on preggo, rub this infertile's feet. (I am so wrong)

But I got over that fast b/c I had some feet than needed scrubbing, toes to be painted and a book that needed to be read. So I assume the "snobby pedicure client" posture in my chair. You know where you give off the vibe that you don't want to chat and refuse to make eye contact. I am really good at it. It's a gift.

I am reading my book and enjoying every minute of my foot scrubbing solice when I can't help but overhear the conversation between two women next to me. They had not assumed the don't talk to me stance in the pedicure chairs, so they were chatting away with one technician. Now, the woman in the chair next to me was very big lady and she made a comment about not being able to reach her toes, which I thought was weird. Then she said "not like I ever could anyways" Now THIS got my attention. This woman made at least 3 comments since I started spying about weight gain. Then it came out, her sister mentioned to the technician that the lady next to me was expecting and was due in October. I was SHOCKED and I couldn't help myself. At this point, I had let down guard, have turned in my chair and am all out staring at this woman. There is no "bump" to speak of. The technician was shocked too b/c she was like "oh, so little can't tell" I almost laughed. There was nothing little about this woman but I knew she was trying to be nice, after all her tip may depend on it. I couldn't quit listening then. I would stare at the pages in my book trying to read but I could not tell you what was on those pages b/c I was engrossed in the non looking pregnant, pregnant lady.

Then for reason unbeknown to me, she starts spilling her guts to the technician. She is 39 has tried online dating a lot within the past few years (which didn't surprise me), has another kid, didn't lose her virginity until she was 33. She originally had wanted to wait til marriage but then I guess that didn't happen. Once again my head turns from my book when I hear this. They are politely ignoring me as far as I can tell. I can't quit listening or staring at her non existent baby bump.

At that point, I checked out. The poor chick rubbing my feet looks like she may be havin labor pains and the extremely overweight chick next to me who was a virgin until she was 33 is due in October. At that point, I just sit back, close my eyes and laugh to myself.

I start to wonder what time it is. It seems like I should be done by now. I finally pull out my phone and it has already been an hour. Ugh, now do I politely tell the 9 month pregnant chick carefuly painting my toes to get the show on the road. She looked so tired and hot. So I let her be and pretty much freaked out the whole time she was painting them that I was going to get in trouble when I got back. I didn't, no one even said anything.

Thank you universe. Thank you for my relaxing pedicure.