TMI Blog

Caution: This blog contains things that may offend or embarrass you if you read. So please do not continue if you don't think you can handle it.

I went into my appointment today with an outline of a speech in my head if the Dr told me we needed to buy more drugs. To summarize, we are out of money. You have sucked me dry of all money and blood for that matter. So what else can we do to continue this process that doesn't concern money?... Luckily, I didn't have to go there with the Dr b/c my retrieval is scheduled for Wednesday at 10 am.

YES! Finally! The Dr said I have 5 follicles that look good. Since there are only 5, they tend to only wait 3 days to put them back in me. So if all goes like planned, they will put the Jrs back in me on Saturday, which will be nice since I have to lay down for the rest of that day and the following day.

During my appointment today, the nurse went over what meds I still need to take. I only have one more injection, which I will take tonight! I am super stoked about that....then I read on the sheet the word "enema". UM EXCUSE ME? Yes, I am to go to the pharmacy and get an At Home Enema kit. I will have to use this kit tomorrow night. DO WHAT?!?! So I am pretty much tripping out about that but one person told me that injecting meds into my stomach is worse than this little enema. Let's hope they are right! Another person said it actually felt nice and you felt all cleaned out after. Well it isnt' after I am concerned about! It is before and during!

So this is it. My next blog will be after the retrieval. So wish me luck and please continue to send positive thoughts our way as well as prayer. I thought I would be scared at this point but I am more scared of the enema and excited about retrieval and honestly just ready to get the show on the road!

It has been confirmed. Josh is awesome.

It seems like every appointment, our retrieval date is pushed back and today was no exception to that trend.

After getting blood draws, the Dr looked at my follicles and of course the little buggers just aren't where he would like them to be for the retrieval on Tuesday, so now he is saying now that Wednesday morning is the big day. I have 5 follicles that are good (and a few others that just aren't up to par at the moment but hopefully will play catch up over the next few days). After the sono, I got dressed and Josh could tell I had shut down. When the Dr came back with as many samples as he could find for us, Josh asked him what exactly we are looking at. Dr. Le said that basically I have the ovaries of a 40 year old woman and there isn't anything I did or didn't do in my lifetime to cause this. It is genetically pre-determined. But he is definitely still optimistic because I am still young and he did get 5 follicles out of me. Five is better than zero....

He then told us a story about a 23 year old woman who came in and wanted to try IVF. When he did the baseline sono, she only had one follicle. He tried to talk her out of it because IVF is very expensive and that isn't a lot of bang for your buck. The Dr and the 23 year old then made a deal. If she could produce 3 follicles, he would attempt IVF with her. So month after month, she would come in for her baseline sonogram when she started her period and sometimes she would have 1 follicle and other times 2. After a few months, she finally had three follicles and they attempted IVF. She gave birth to her baby last month.

When he said this, the tears just started streaming out of my eyes and there was no stopping them. Dr Le was very sweet and gave me a tissue and said kept giving me positive reinforcement, which I am very grateful for. After the exam, we were in the room for more than 20 minutes talking and he didn't leave until I had pulled myself together and felt better. This speaks volumes to Josh and I.

In that discussion, Dr Le looked at us and told me "You have a very good man here." I smiled at Josh and said "I know. My mom thinks so too." And I do know how great he is but I could see Josh's head swelling from the compliment. When we left, Josh said "Well, it's official. I have a confirmed professional medical opinion that I am awesome" Hahaha Doesn't that sound like something Barney Stinson would say? (If you don't know who Barney Stinson is.....SHAME ON YOU!)

This appointment was the most frustrating and nerve racking yet but I am very happy to say that everything is still on track. These follicles are on their own time line. (I hope this isn't a glance into the future for what our kids will be like. Josh and I are always in a hurry and like to be punctual)

I feel like I am being drained by a Vampire (and not in the sexy True Blood way)

I had to get more blood drawn today and another sonogram. My right arm is all different colors from the needles! Not to mention the bruises I have on my tummy from the three injections a day I have been getting. I look like Eric Northman had a go at me. (Shout out to all the True Blood Fans!)

But back to my appointment, the Dr came in and looked at my follicles and they are maturing but not that the rate he would like for me to have the retrieval on Saturday. So, he ordered me to get more meds (which in turn means, more $$) and then my retrieval now is tentatively scheduled for Monday or Tuesday but more than likely Tuesday. This isn't necessarily bad news but it really hit me the wrong way once I got out of the office. It makes me feel like even on meds my body isn't working properly. My eggs should be matured and ready to go by now and since they are a little behind, it makes me feel bad or like I need to do more to get them to grow, which I know I can't. I just feel helpless.

But enough pity party for me today. I am not a very patient person. (I am sure some of you are thinking "the hell you say...") but yes, it is true, patience is a virtue I have lacked most of my life. I have to think this is God's way of teaching me patience and strength.

I have another appointment on Saturday to check my follicles and I am sure, more blood drawn. I will update you as soon as we find out when the retrieval will be.

I Love Saturday! (remember that Erasure song?)

Just got back to work from my appointment and they took my blood again and did another sonogram. All of my little baby follicles are growing so well and right on track. I am to continue taking the injections and I go back on Thursday for more blood work and another sonogram, then it looks like Saturday is the retrieval day. I am super stoked about this since I won't have to take that day off work. Dr. Le said I will do in very early (around 7 or 7:30) and the procedure only takes about 20 minutes. I will be under anesthesia but after I come out, I will be able to walk out of the office. Not even a wheelchair.

Four things I would like to tell you:

1. I have not been a bitch on the meds. (at least I do not think I have, you may need to ask Josh) I am completely surprised by this. There have been a few instances when I have gotten aggravated but when that has happened I get my book, go in the bedroom and read until it passes. Or there was one issue with water pressure but it passed relatively quickly. This is not near as bad as Clomid which made me yell at my husband for bringing the wrong soda home.

2. I am utterly sick of needles and injections. I have been getting injections in my belly from Nurse Laura and Dr. Josh for a while now but it does not make it any easier. Every time they are about to inject me, I start to breathe like I would imagine I would in Lamaze class and close my eyes tight.

3. I am very grateful to have Josh and Laura to give me the injections. They are both doing a GREAT job though and I can't thank them enough because God knows, I would not be able to do it on my own.

4. I am really excited and happy about how everything is going. I am not a nervous wreck like I was with IUI and when we first started IVF. I can't foresee the future, I can't tell you I will have a baby this time next year. But I can tell you that I have a really good feeling about this, that I am happy to have Josh by my side, I am happy to have my friends and family, and I am happy to be me and know that I am doing all I can in my power to make this happen.

This is not just a blind date

Things are progressing right along. We went in for a check-up on Saturday and they took my blood and did a sonogram to check on our little follicles. Everything is progressing nicely and he said that as long as they can get the follicle out of me, I should be pregnant! Yay! He told me to continue with the injections twice a day and starting Monday night, I need to take a second injection, Ganirilex, at night to keep me from ovulating early. After we were done, we went into the Patient Education room to sign all the release forms. We are doing a process called ICSI and while talking to the nurse she explained it in a pretty funny and relatable way. She said "we aren't just sending them out on a blind date. We are gonna make sure they meet and like each other beforehand."

My next appointment is Tuesday and then for sure I will know when my retrieval will be. It is looking like it will be this Friday or maybe even Saturday. Of course I am hoping for Saturday that way I don't have to miss work.

Allow me to introduce you to ALL the meds

And this is not even all of them. I have seven more injections in my fridge. It may not look like much in this picture but in person, there are a LOT of them! I have made little injection bags with everything I will need to mix and inject twice a day through Saturday. I figured it was best to be organized so I don't get confused and inject myself with so much meds at once, my ovaries burst. Or maybe Josh is wearing off on me with OCD......

I shot myself in the belly!!! All by myself....where's my lolly?

Today was my baseline sonogram. (this is just to make sure I don't have any cysts on my ovaries and nope, there were none to report) The doctor did say that my left ovary is the one that is sad and tired. So come on righty!!! Mama needs a baby!! The doctor was very optimistic that as long as we can get the embryo out of me I will be pregnant! SO yay!!

I have an appointment on Saturday morning for another sono to check my ovaries then my egg retrieval should be either next Thursday or Friday. I will find out for sure on Saturday so will post because we will be needing extra positive thoughts and prayers that day.

On a side note, while at the office, they told me that they wanted me to take my first injection in the next few hours (good thing we live close!), then take the second one this evening. Right when he said this, my head starting spinning...injections...now? I don't have anyone to give it to me. I will have to buck it up and give it to myself. I automatically got a pen and paper out of my purse and asked the nurse to show me how to mix the meds again. I explained my husband and my roommate have been giving my shots and this will be the first time I mix and give to myself. So she went over mixing again and I vigorously took down notes. I felt pretty good about it when I left but as I was driving home, my anxiety went through the roof. I called my neighbor whose husband is a nurse both on their home phone and her cell phone (TWICE!). No answer. I then called a co-worker who knows what is going on and this is how that converation went:

Co-worker: Hello?
Me: Hey, it's Kelley. I have a huge favor to ask and you can tell me no if you are not comfortable, but I need you to shoot me in the belly.
Co-worker: (silence, then laughter)
Me: Please, I just can't shoot myself. I have been trying to psych myself up to do it but I just don't think I can.
Co-worker: Sure, bring it up here and i will do it.....

So I get home and mix the meds together in the syringe and think I am doing pretty well. Just call me Nurse Kelley!! Then I threw away the lid to the syringe.... Now it was either drive to work holding an open needle in my hand or suck it up and shoot myself. I laid down on the couch and tried. No luck. So then I paced around my house for about 10 minutes. Laid on my bed, couldn't do it. Paced around the house a little more, screamed a little then went and looked in the mirror in our bedroom and just did it. No, it didn't hurt and I knew it wouldn't hurt before but it is just the thought of me shooting myself in the belly that gives me the heebie geebies. But I got over that and now I am sitting pretty proud.