They are VERY nice and I am super excited to get home and put them down on the floor of both bathrooms. (we currently have a bath TOWEL on the outside of our bathtub in one bathroom since we were lacking a bath mat)
But as I sit here thinking about it, I am having buyer's remorse. Note: I got the bigger sized ones and I had two coupons, so I actually saved $12 off of my total. See, even thinking about the money I saved with coupons is not making me feel better about my purchase.
I needed these bath mats though. BAD. I had to buy something at lunch (do you think I have a problem?) and the bath mats were the most logical choice. I went in to the store, only going to buy one....but I had two coupons. I couldn't let the other one go to waste.
Oh, and I have decided to quit smoking completely. I feel pretty optimistic since the other day when I decided, I threw a more than half full pack in the trash can at Kroger. The cheap side of me thought, I just threw money away. Normally I would go ahead and finish the pack and then attempt to quit. But something about actually throwing them away seemed more final for me. Hopefully this will be it. We all know I can quit for a long period of time (I think I quit for a year a while back but then I get mad or upset or miscarry and that's the first thing I want). I have two packs of gum in my purse though and am ready for this. I know I am not addicted to the nicotine because there are times I will not smoke for two days or even a week and be fine with it. So we shall see.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
The Best Thing in the World....
Most rewarding experience, will change your life, you will know what "real unconditional love" is.
All these sayings make me want to vomit. I don't doubt they are true feeling for those becoming a parent but they are so cliche' and nauseating to hear every time someone gets pregnant. I am not sure if people use them as verbal filler or they really think that the person doesn't know their life if about to change so they feel the need to let them in on this "secret".
If I ever have a child of my own through birth or adoption, I will probably think these things but will never utter them out loud. Some more appropriate things for me would be:
All these sayings make me want to vomit. I don't doubt they are true feeling for those becoming a parent but they are so cliche' and nauseating to hear every time someone gets pregnant. I am not sure if people use them as verbal filler or they really think that the person doesn't know their life if about to change so they feel the need to let them in on this "secret".
If I ever have a child of my own through birth or adoption, I will probably think these things but will never utter them out loud. Some more appropriate things for me would be:
- I hope the baby is healthy
- I hope the child is emotionally stable (only one crazy in this family and I got years on you kid!)
- I hope the child doesn't disappoint me (this is a big one. After all the build up, I will have HIGH expectations for any child of mine)
- I hope the child doesn't grow up to be a serial killer (Josh makes me watch too many shows on serial killers so now this has been added to my fears. I mean could you imagine being the mother of some kind of monster like Manson or The Zodiac Killer)
- I hope the kid isn't stupid (we've all seen those kids, ya know the ones where you think man, I hope you are going to be good lookin' b/c the smarts missed you!)
- I hope the kid isn't ugly (aw yes, the ugly baby. Don't judge me, you have seen the babies that hit every branch of the ugly tree on the way out of the vagina)
I OBVIOUSLY don't have a child so I don't know if it really is the BEST THING IN THE WORLD, so to me the BEST FEELING EVER IN THE WORLD, is laying on a beach drinking a pina colada in Mexico and not having a worry or care in the world.
Monday, June 20, 2011
I need a PROJECT
One thing I have realized as I have gotten older is I LOVE staying busy. Maybe it is because when I am not busy, I obsess over the not so great things in my life. And when I am busy and then feel accomplished, I feel good about myself and have more of a positive outlook. Who knows. The point is I need a project and fast. I have been reading a TON lately but books are starting to not be enough. I need something HANDS ON. Oh, and did I mention, I need it to be cheap since we do not have as much disposable income as we used to.
The one project I keep thinking about it painting the hall, living room and front sitting room in our house. Yes, this would be a HUGE undertaking but this time I would NOT attempt to ask Josh for help (see previous post - http://kel2ey.blogspot.com/2010/08/painters-we-are-not.html). I like him way too much to put our marriage through that again.
I don't know. I just need SOMETHING. Any ideas?
The one project I keep thinking about it painting the hall, living room and front sitting room in our house. Yes, this would be a HUGE undertaking but this time I would NOT attempt to ask Josh for help (see previous post - http://kel2ey.blogspot.com/2010/08/painters-we-are-not.html). I like him way too much to put our marriage through that again.
I don't know. I just need SOMETHING. Any ideas?
Monday, June 6, 2011
Breaking Dawn Trailer
So if you don't know, I LOVE the Twilight books. I read them when I first started my fertility treatments and they were my escape from doctor's appointment, shots in my stomach and crying over not being pregnant. It was so nice that whenever I couldn't handle anymore, I could just open those books and get lost in the story and forget everything in my life for a little bit. These books renewed my love of reading and so for these reasons they will always have a special place on my bookshelf.
Then, they made the movies. I was very hesitant at first b/c the first movie came out when I was finishing up Breaking Dawn so I already had my characters set in my mind. But then they came out with bad acting and all but I still like them b/c they brought this story to the big screen. I know the movies suck, the acting is horrible and my Edward was much more attractive and less awkward that Robert Pattinson. But I can't help myself. I still get all excited when a new trailer comes out. And one came out last night on the MTV Movie Awards and as I watched curled up in my bed, I felt like a kid again. It was such a nice and pure feeling to get excited over something so trivial and not have to worry about anything.
And yes, this Twerd will be there at midnight in November to get lost in the story all over again.
Then, they made the movies. I was very hesitant at first b/c the first movie came out when I was finishing up Breaking Dawn so I already had my characters set in my mind. But then they came out with bad acting and all but I still like them b/c they brought this story to the big screen. I know the movies suck, the acting is horrible and my Edward was much more attractive and less awkward that Robert Pattinson. But I can't help myself. I still get all excited when a new trailer comes out. And one came out last night on the MTV Movie Awards and as I watched curled up in my bed, I felt like a kid again. It was such a nice and pure feeling to get excited over something so trivial and not have to worry about anything.
And yes, this Twerd will be there at midnight in November to get lost in the story all over again.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Minor Setback
Don't you love it when you are coasting on through life, feeling pretty good and something just comes up and knocks the wind out of you? Josh lost his job on Wednesday. We will be ok and be able to pay our bills but THAT IS IT. No movies, no eating out, no paying off credit cards, nada until his unemployment kicks in then we will re-evaluate.
Surprisingly, I am pretty calm. I am not gonna lie, when he first told me I kinda freaked out in my head. That first night was very tense and quiet between us just b/c we were both thinking a LOT about how to make this work. What can be cut out, what is a neccesity right now and what is in limbo. I feel like we have made a short term plan that will work and that really has put my mind at ease for now.
This also puts any type of thoughts of thawing out the final egg on the back burner, which really hurts. Not that we had any plans to thaw it out next month but I had actually been thinking about calling my RE for a consultation appointment. Thinking about that alone is a big step for me. I just need a plan for money and for mental preparations before I dive back in this.
I had a very weird dream the other night where I was explaining my feelings about other people getting pregnant and the emotional toll it takes on those who can't and have been trying and the person in my dream told me I was a "miserable, unhappy person who should just be happy for other people" and it really hurt. Even when I woke up, I was upset that this person in a dream would say that to me and then I got all paranoid thinking "that is what everyone thinks" OMG, I am a horrible person. But then I thought "fuck it" and went back to sleep. If I could change this I would. I can't.
A friend and I often talk about what we would do if we won lotto and I never say it but I would do another round of IVF right away. I don't say it b/c it's a downer in a conversation and I know that. People don't know what to say when I bring up stuff like this, especially those with kids. So I just keep it to myself, which I have been doing a lot lately. Is it good for me? Hell no.
And BTW, if I have to hear that one more person is pregnant on facebook, I may punch my screen or just get off of it all together (and this is not an idle threat - well the part about getting off facebook. I won't punch my screen)
Surprisingly, I am pretty calm. I am not gonna lie, when he first told me I kinda freaked out in my head. That first night was very tense and quiet between us just b/c we were both thinking a LOT about how to make this work. What can be cut out, what is a neccesity right now and what is in limbo. I feel like we have made a short term plan that will work and that really has put my mind at ease for now.
This also puts any type of thoughts of thawing out the final egg on the back burner, which really hurts. Not that we had any plans to thaw it out next month but I had actually been thinking about calling my RE for a consultation appointment. Thinking about that alone is a big step for me. I just need a plan for money and for mental preparations before I dive back in this.
I had a very weird dream the other night where I was explaining my feelings about other people getting pregnant and the emotional toll it takes on those who can't and have been trying and the person in my dream told me I was a "miserable, unhappy person who should just be happy for other people" and it really hurt. Even when I woke up, I was upset that this person in a dream would say that to me and then I got all paranoid thinking "that is what everyone thinks" OMG, I am a horrible person. But then I thought "fuck it" and went back to sleep. If I could change this I would. I can't.
A friend and I often talk about what we would do if we won lotto and I never say it but I would do another round of IVF right away. I don't say it b/c it's a downer in a conversation and I know that. People don't know what to say when I bring up stuff like this, especially those with kids. So I just keep it to myself, which I have been doing a lot lately. Is it good for me? Hell no.
And BTW, if I have to hear that one more person is pregnant on facebook, I may punch my screen or just get off of it all together (and this is not an idle threat - well the part about getting off facebook. I won't punch my screen)
Thursday, May 12, 2011
YOGA! YOGA! YOGA!
So after years of talking about it, I finally went to a Yoga class. My mom has been on me to go b/c she thinks it will help with tension and stress. So when I saw a 20 class pass on http://www.livingsocial.com/ I grabbed it and started my dive into clarity and calmness through Yoga.
Now for those who do not know me, I went to a VERY liberal private school from 6th Grade on where I was taught mostly by old hippies (whom I adored!), we took a nature walk every day and really did have some classes outside. The only rule was "Respect People and Property" so I have experienced the whole natural and peaceful way of life.
Back to Yoga: I walk in the class and there are a few women laying on their mats surrounding two lit candles in the center of the room. This was surprising to me as I thought we would all be facing the mirror. How I am supposed to take my normal place in the back of the class if we are in a circle? The class was fun but I realized I. AM. NOT. FLEXIBLE.
So I found out breathing is really important in Yoga too. In fact, so important that a few of the ladies sounded like Darth Vader. I actually had to open my eyes and look up from positions to see who the the daughter of Vader was. (I could never figure it out but pretty sure it was the teacher) But it did make me giggle.
Then the lady next to me did it (no she didn't poot) she made a moan. And not just a moan like I do in spin class between curse words. This was a full on sex noise. And I lost it. (I know you are thinking this chick is really mature right about now) I was able to not actually bust out laughing but instead did the shaking laugh hoping that no one noticed.
I will keep you updated on this whole Yoga thing. After the first class, I am just really sore in my upper back but I really did enjoy it.
Now for those who do not know me, I went to a VERY liberal private school from 6th Grade on where I was taught mostly by old hippies (whom I adored!), we took a nature walk every day and really did have some classes outside. The only rule was "Respect People and Property" so I have experienced the whole natural and peaceful way of life.
Back to Yoga: I walk in the class and there are a few women laying on their mats surrounding two lit candles in the center of the room. This was surprising to me as I thought we would all be facing the mirror. How I am supposed to take my normal place in the back of the class if we are in a circle? The class was fun but I realized I. AM. NOT. FLEXIBLE.
So I found out breathing is really important in Yoga too. In fact, so important that a few of the ladies sounded like Darth Vader. I actually had to open my eyes and look up from positions to see who the the daughter of Vader was. (I could never figure it out but pretty sure it was the teacher) But it did make me giggle.
Then the lady next to me did it (no she didn't poot) she made a moan. And not just a moan like I do in spin class between curse words. This was a full on sex noise. And I lost it. (I know you are thinking this chick is really mature right about now) I was able to not actually bust out laughing but instead did the shaking laugh hoping that no one noticed.
I will keep you updated on this whole Yoga thing. After the first class, I am just really sore in my upper back but I really did enjoy it.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Mother's Day
I am very close to my mother (and when I say VERY close, I mean I would still let her carry me on her hip if I wasn't too heavy for her to carry around) So, Mother's Day doesn't sting as much as it could. I tend to just concentrate on her and what an awesome mom she is and leave it at that. Or at least I try. I can't help but add up the years sometimes though. I sometimes think, if I hadn't miscarried this would be my third Mother's Day or if if the result from IVF had been different, this would actually my first one. What if's can drive me crazy. And to top it off, I woke up Mother's Day morning to my monthly visitor and I just laughed. Of course I started THAT day. It seems like my body just wants to kick me when I am down. Now, in my uncrazy moments, I realize that I could probably turn any day I start my period into something in my mind (I am dramatic like that). But last month, starting on the day of a baby shower I had to attend then on Mother's Day? Come on body, or universe, or fate, or whoever or whatever decides this kind of stuff, cut this chick a break.
It seems like it is BABYPALOOZA around me with pregnant people or husbands of pregnant people (I found out 4 guys I work with have wives that are expecting). I am not kidding. I know at least 10 people who are expecting at the moment and one that just had one this past weekend. And with every announcement, I smile (if person is in front of me) but in my head I am screaming. I wonder when this will end for me? I need it to or I am contemplating cutting off all contact with outside world. (yeah right)
It seems like it is BABYPALOOZA around me with pregnant people or husbands of pregnant people (I found out 4 guys I work with have wives that are expecting). I am not kidding. I know at least 10 people who are expecting at the moment and one that just had one this past weekend. And with every announcement, I smile (if person is in front of me) but in my head I am screaming. I wonder when this will end for me? I need it to or I am contemplating cutting off all contact with outside world. (yeah right)
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