Monday, September 28, 2009

Blogging from Bed

I wish I could tell you everything is going great, no cramps, no blood, no complaints but that just hasn't been the case. I woke up yesterday morning to some mild bleeding (more like dark brown discharge) and no cramping. Of course, I automatically think the worst and go into hysterics. I couldn't see or breathe, I was so upset and there was no consoling me. So Josh called in the big guns, Mom. She came over, calmed me down in a way only my mom can and took me back to her house for a day of Mommy time. As the day went on, the bleeding didn't get worse so I calmed down and just racked it up to a little implantation bleeding.


This morning, I woke up at 5:40 to go potty and there was definite blood on the toilet paper when I wiped. Hysterics, take two. I pretty much cried all morning then called the Dr at 8 right when they opened and told them what is going on. She didn't sound as horrified or concerned as I would have thought and told me she would ask the Dr. and call me back.



So I went to work and kept my phone by my side the entire day. Even when I left my desk, I had it in my hand, waiting for the call. Eventually they called back and recommended I start taking injections to thicken my uterus and if I would like I could come in and the nurse would show me how to draw the thick medicine into the needle and inject me the first time so we know what we are doing. This medicine has to go into a muscle so the needle is bigger, which makes me extremely nervous. But when the nurse injected me today it didn't hurt. Hopefully when Josh does it tomorrow, it won't hurt either. They also told me I need to be on bed rest until my PG test on Thursday then we will go from there. So yes, I am typing this from hour 4 of bed rest and already I am going a little stir crazy. As today went on, the bleeding and cramps got progressively worse and reminded me of either the period from hell or when I miscarried. I am still trying to hold out hope that at least one of the little embryos is still holding on for his/her life but it is getting harder and harder to remain positive.



At this point, they can't tell me if I am miscarrying one or both the embryos or if this is just some weird funky thing my uterus is doing. The cramping was pretty bad this afternoon but tonight it seems much better and I think that has to be a good sign. So now we wait. I am still scheduled to go back in on Thursday for blood work then we will have a better idea of what is happening now.



I also had to tell my work today, which was a very nerve racking thought. I had not told my boss about any of the fertility treatments so I think she was surprised to hear any of this. It's not like I thought my boss would tell me "No, you have to miscarry at work" but I have already used all my vacation/personal time this year and so not really sure how this is going to work. I know, I know.....and I am trying not to worry about it until after all this is over. We did talk about me getting set up to work from home (and bed) and our new IT guy is supposed to come over tomorrow to set me up on my personal laptop. So hopefully that won't be stressful.



So please keep up thoughts and prayers. We need them now more than ever. I know they say God will only give you as much as you can handle. Well, THIS IS IT. I cannot handle anymore. I need positive things only for a while or I will go crazy. (and I am not just talking stir crazy)

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